This post is a continuation from prior post. It is the final in this nine part series. You can read part eight here. Feel free to read it to get caught up, if you would like. To go back to post 1 click here. Please feel free, if you would like, to view some of my other posts. I hope to be able to present my thoughts well enough to you to help you see life through different eyes.
I've gone through what you might call hell. I call it terrible. I can no longer believe in the deity I once did. Am I looking for other deity? No, I am not. I did that. To be Hindu or Buddhist I would have to believe that the Jews that died in the holocaust were such terrible people in a prior life that they had to be killed in that manner. Everybody that dies in war was a terrible person in a prior life, paying the price for their prior choices, and they deserve what they get. However, all of the people that were simply tortured in concentration camps, or are raped, beaten, or abused, while terrible people in prior lives, were not so terrible that they had to die; they just had to be tortured for years.
Am I an atheist? Well, I am not convinced that there is a god, nor that there is no god. I cannot say that no god exists because there is no evidence to say no god exists. There very well could be a god, but if so it is not Yahweh. I find myself on the agnostic side of life. I'm an agnostic atheist. There could be a god, but I don't believe that any god I've read about is actually real. They are only as real as people imagine they are. I only disbelieve in one deity more than most of the world.
Besides, describing somebody by what they do not believe isn’t a very good way to describe a person. I have found many great things to believe. If you want to know what I believe you can ask me. If you want to study some of these things for yourself, you may. I highly recommend, for anybody, The Epic of Gilgamesh. It is the tale of a king in ancient Sumeria. He lived prior to the year 2400, when the biblical flood supposedly happened, and where Abraham came from. You can check it out at the library, or you can listen to it on youtube. Learning about the tablets this was found on is just as interesting as the story.
https://youtu.be/Kde-P_jffqk
Or you could check out one of these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd7MrGy_tEg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pGhEu9elnA
Or any others that you can find at https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=epic+of+gilgamesh
Or go to a library and look him up.
The truth I have found has set me free. Am I a drunk? No. Do I think getting drunk is fine? No, it’s not healthy. Is smoking fine? No. However, if you want to participate in these things, go ahead and do so. Just don't force me to do so. Is abuse fine? No. Do I still believe in being faithful to my spouse? Yes, I do. I am free from the mind numbing thought that there is a being always watching me, recording everything I do to make an accounting of it. I am free to believe as I wish, and not fear being kicked out of my church for believing differently than I am told to believe, for allowing others to worship as they see fit. I love family. I will not place attending a meeting to talk about being a better person over being with my family. I do not fault others that do, but that is something I will not do. My family is precious. I only get so much time with them, and then they, or me, are gone.
I hope that this life isn’t the end, that there is some form of existence after my life here. But if there is not I would like to make the most out of the life I have, and love those around me as much as I can. I do not want to die wishing I had spent more time not being with my family, or wishing I had spent less time in a pew, or a classroom learning about somebody that purports to teach truth. I don’t want to wish I had spent more time at work, or reading about ancient barbaric actions and believing they were good because a god commanded them. I want to be satisfied that I have sufficiently loved my family.
When I die I want to be glad to have been able to spend as much time as possible with my family. I do want to make sure that those around me know I love them. That may happen through words or actions. I want to do good in this world. I want to serve my community. I will find ways to do so. If you want me to come to your church for a baby blessing, baptism, or whatever, I am happy to come and support you. You are my family or friends and I love you.
I don’t expect you to read this and come to the same conclusion I have. You probably haven't bled so violently through your pores that it caused necrosis of your skin. Once I saw and experienced true suffering, and thought about it long enough, I could not worship a deity that threatens ridiculously long, everlasting torment, or slavery. Such a being is wicked. To me worshiping a deity, even if real, that has the same character as El, is reprehensible. I wont fault you for doing so, but I will not worship him. My intent in sharing this is so that you may understand a little more about me. If you want to discuss any of this with me please feel free to do so. I will not attempt to hit my beliefs into you, but I will defend my stance. I do want you to understand, and hopefully see, from my point of view.
Thomas S Longmore
P.S.
If you want to read more about my studies when I attempted to reinstate my faith for the last time click this link.
You could also view the rest of my blog posts.
Here's another link that all should read, especially those that still adhere to LDS teachings. All I have done here is post statements from your leaders. I hope to add more to it.
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